The #1 reason why people use TV as the babysitter
Categories: Money & work, Health & safety, Development, Childcare, Gadgets & tech, That's entertainment
Over at babycenter.com they're asking "Do you ever have your child watch TV or a video so you can get a break?" and of the 16,607 people who voted, 97 % answered yes.
I know this should not come as a surprise to me, although it does. Not so much because that many people admit to using the TV as a babysitter--as an educator, I know this to be true, and I can see how it would be tempting--had my husband and I not agreed before our son was born that we would not allow him to watch any television or videos at all until he was at least kindergarten age--but because of HOW the "break" time was spent. 30% of respondents said that they use the TV downtime for cooking dinner, and an even greater percentage (33%) said they use this time to do housework.
Housework? Really? I'm sorry, but I can't quite seem to fathom how washing dishes, loading the dishwasher, running the vacuum, or folding laundry constitutes the need for a "break" while the kids sit passively in front of the TV. Bean loves to help with daily housework. He's had a forever obsession with the vacuum, and now at the age of three, he's actually starting to be pretty good at it. I'll do the floors once, and then let him keep going for a while, as I'm loading the dishwasher or wiping down counters. He's also great at sorting socks, putting things away, and carrying small items from where they've landed to the proper room where they belong.
Similarly, dinner prep is typically a fun family time at our house: all three of us in the kitchen, working together to prepare a meal. Bean loves to chop veggies with a butter knife. Mushrooms, green beans and red peppers are all a soft enough target for him to practice his chopping skills, and when they're ending up in a stir-fry or a salad, it doesn't matter if they look a tad irregular. He also helps toss salads, kneed pizza dough or quiche crust, and he's quite thrilled lately with the whole idea of setting the table, now that he is tall enough to finally see inside the silverware drawer.
But what shcoked me the most was that of all the various options for how people spend this TV "break" time away from their kids, only 2% of respondents said that they used this time to spend time with their partner. If, as I said, my husband and I hadn't already agreed to not allow our son to watch TV during his early childhood, I can definitely imagine that I'd see the TV as an appealing way to distract my son--specifically to have some alone time with my husband where we're not doing the married couple staccato of "What did he eat for dinner?" "Did you schedule his doctor's appointment or should I?" "When does this bill need to go out by?" etc, etc, etc.
It's the thing I miss the most, since having my son: that uniterrupted down time with my husband before the end of the day when we're both so tired we can hardly see straight, let alone carry on a conversation about astronomy or politics the way we often used to. I miss mornings leisurly in bed without a three year old jumping up and down yelling "time to get up Mommy, Daddy!" And it's the only way I can ever even imagine really wanting to us TV to garner a "break" from our small boy.
Amber Valetta, in this month's issue of Cookie magazine, talks about taking the TV out of her family's house, and out of her son's life. She said she noticed quickly how different he was--how imaginative and self directed. I see these qualities in my son daily, and I wonder often why more parents don't truly consider cutting back or entirely eleminating television/videos (and video games!) from their kid's lives--especially if all they're doing while their kids are watching is housework.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
SKL 2-26-2008 @ 10:13PM
My kids very rarely watch the boob toob - though my nanny thinks I'm depriving them and even my pediatrician, when checking to see if my kids were developmentally on target, asked if they could sit and "concentrate on" TV for x minutes at a time. But the reason they don't watch TV is not because I am entirely opposed to it. I just don't like what's on. Even on PBS, even Sesame Street, I found the snippets we've watched to be hyper, dissonent, illogical, glaring, loud, and obnoxious; and just about everything else is all that and violent too. Besides, my kids are never at a loss for something to do. And their behavior is not so awful that I need a "break" from them to do the dishes.
That said, I can understand why putting the kids in front of the TV so you can do some housework or whatever may be necessary. If the alternative is to have them aggravating the crap out of you or messing things up even as you try to clean them, then some TV time can keep everyone happier in the short run. (I know I resorted to it once when I was stuck with my babies in a hotel room and I couldn't get one of them to stop crying any other way.) You should also consider that the dynamics are a lot different for those who have multiple kids, versus just one tot. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if whatever they are seeing on TV is causing the problems that lead to the need for a "break."
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Trisha 2-27-2008 @ 10:56AM
I do let my my 2 year old watch some of a video regularly- but my big reason?? So I can shower. I could just get up and shower before her but 6 am doesn't sound too tempting to me. If she's in my room watching a movie while I shower, I know she's not into a variety of other things, essentially she's "safe" for those few minutes, physically at least!
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Michelle 2-28-2008 @ 4:20PM
Totally agree. Videos are great at keeping them safe in bed while we shower! I do that often. Also, I allow video in bed with me if I can't function in the morning (child was up multiple times and I'm sleep deprived more than normal). I doze on and off and she watches videos. I realize this is a desperate measure and I have worked hard at going to bed earlier, changing my habits, so as to need the electronic distraction. But, also with getting sick often...I guess I am just a wimp, b/c I am soooooo philosophically against TV in general, and for kids especially. I can't imagine using it for housework time though. She is usually happy if I am doing housework, b/c I'm moving around and there is action around her--stimulation (v. me trying to answer email...). I can't imagine having 4 or more kids like many of my courageous wonderful friends do, either...
Nicola 2-27-2008 @ 11:58AM
Agreed on the housework. My son always helps with laundry, dishes, cleaning the kitchen counter, helping to clean the bathroom (we don't use any chemical products), vacuuming, mopping, you name it! I would never waste his video time on housework. For us, it is OUR time. After a long day at school and work, we sometimes let him have a half hour DVD (or praise the lord if he chooses Elmo because that gives us 45 minutes!) so that we can be alone together. I admit it. DVDs are our sex time. Is that too much information? Tough! That's what the kid DVDs are all about in our house. Mommy and Daddy play time!
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Karen 2-27-2008 @ 12:12PM
Does it hurt, reaching behind to pat yourself on the back so often about your parenting choices? Just wondering.
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mamaloo 2-27-2008 @ 12:25PM
Wow, judgmental much?
My son is fantastically creative and is great at playing independently. Far more than most kids I run into.
And he watches scads of television and movies and always has.
The thing is, I love narratives and I'll take them in every form they come in, including television and movies. As a knitter, it's far easier to consume narratives in visual form. And my son shares that love with me. In fact, I've purposely nurtured his love of television and movies.
Maybe he'll grow up to be a filmmaker? He won't grow up to be any lesser than all those kids whose parents never allowed TVs to taint their children.
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mamaloo 2-27-2008 @ 12:30PM
"what shcoked me the most was that of all the various options for how people spend this TV "break" time away from their kids, only 2% of respondents said that they used this time to spend time with their partner."
I might spend this time with my partner if he wasn't at his job all day, you know, that time when my job is to all those horrible domestic chores which I'd prefer to do myself while my son occupies himself otherwise?
Again, what the eff is up with insisting that we all do it your way, that your way is the perfect way and that the rest of us are ruining our children and leading crappy lives when we do it differently?
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queenoqueens 2-27-2008 @ 12:37PM
Christina--
I'm curious....does someone stay home with your son during the week, or does he go to daycare? I think it's a little harder to stay away from TV when you're with your child all day, every day. But if you stay home with your child, and are able to avoid the TV altogether, then I am impressed.
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ELC 2-27-2008 @ 12:58PM
I have a young son (my first - 15 weeks old) and always planned not to let him watch much TV. The problem is that my husband and I have always watched a ton of TV. We grew up with it. If we are home & awake, it's on. Not usually as the focus of what we are doing, but always as "background" noise. I don't use it for a "break", I am always with him, I do housework/cook dinner with him in a sling, I shower with him in a bouncy chair on the floor of the bathroom. It's just that we have it on during dinner, while listening to the ipod(yes), while reading, doing crafts, housework, etc. I guess the question is - when do I have to start turning it off for my son's well-being?
He's young enough that he's basically being held by us, or in his swing, or using his playgym, in the living room with the TV on all the time. He already notices it, and he is VERY happy sitting on my husbands lap and watching almost ANY sports event - even one or more football games in a row. Up until now I assumed he was too young to really see it, but now I swear the kid turns his head to the direction of the TV when ESPN's sportcenter themesong comes on.
Since he was tiny (even in the hospital), we've watched many a horror film and plenty of violent & inappropriate shows with him on our laps. I thought the biggest danger was when it came to a really scary part and I would jump/scream/or squeeze him! I guess the question is how much damage am I really doing, and how old is too old for him to watch this stuff. It is really that much better to change the channel to "kids" stuff?
Since both my husband & I are kind of TV junkie's and came out alright, does it really matter?
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claire 2-27-2008 @ 1:11PM
ELC: I am dealing with this same thing right now. The TV is also background in our house. My son is now 9 1/2 months old. When he was younger, say up to 6 months, I didn't worry about the TV because he either noticed it for 11 seconds or ignored it completely. My boyfriend and I also watched many movies inappropriate for children, but figured it wouldn't matter since our son wasn't paying attention to the TV.
Now, things are changing. He notices the TV being on or off; he even knows what the remotes does, apparently, since he picks it up and waves it at the TV all the time. Music on commercials and shows get his attention and sometimes he'll pay attention to whatever's on for a minute or two. Basically, I have chosen to have kids TV on or the TV off when my son's in the room. I finally decided this when he did the stereotypical TV-zone-out where he wouldn't respond to me calling his name and stared blankly at the screen. It scared the sh*t out of me. I am a TV junkie, and I "turned out fine" too, as you said. But I don't want a zombie kid (I've babysat my fair share) who turns off the brain when he watches the TV, and I don't want to blame any hyperactivity he may develop in the future on letting him watch TV too early.
The main thing, for me, though, is the violence. There is so much violence on TV today, those of us who watch a lot hardly even notice anymore. But I believe it effects kids to some extent, and with all the violence going on among young people today, I couldn't imagine being the parent of a violent child. So we're curbing the TV, to better be safe than sorry.
Eva 2-27-2008 @ 2:19PM
Research shows that it's actually MORE harmful to children's development to have the TV on as background noise than to watch it directly, since the background noise keeps them from focusing and learning. I say this just since you asked. I'm sure if you turned it off, and/or replaced it with music, you would soon not miss it at all.
bb 2-27-2008 @ 1:09PM
We have chosen not to have a TV in our home, so this is not something that we do on a regular basis. However, I do occasionally let my kids (ages 4.5 and 2) watch a short DVD on the computer to allow me to finish a household task that I couldn't accomplish with their "help". My husband's job requires a significant amount of travel, so I can't always rely on him to keep them occupied while I clean up the last few toys or scrub the toilets before we have guests. I don't use this option any more often than I absolutely need to (a dozen times a year at most) and I believe that it's a better choice than getting impatient and irritable with my kids for exhibiting normal kid behavior. I did not allow them to do this before they turned 2, as recommended by the APA.
One thing to consider before judging other parents' choices too harshly is that involving them in household tasks is considerably more difficult when there is more than one young child to supervise. Also, some children's personalities and abilities make it easier to involve them in household tasks. My two year old makes much more substantial contributions to household tasks than my four year old did at his age, partly because he appreciates order and routine more and partly because his motor skills are better for his age. I still expected my four year old to help around the house, but it was a much more time-consuming and sometimes frustrating experience. In a time crunch, I can see why parents with a child like him would resort to using the TV. Perhaps Bean is better suited to helping with household tasks than some other children.
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Jessica 2-27-2008 @ 1:51PM
I agree, a little scathing Christina.
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Jessica 2-27-2008 @ 2:30PM
Continuing to ponder your post......
You act as if TV is equivalent to crack or something. Yes, my daughter watches TV. And, yes, as a matter of fact, I am in that group that puts on the TV or a DVD so that I can fix dinner or clean the floors. I would rather, at two, spend my time quickly doing the chores, followed by doing something FUN with her. She can learn to do chores later, when she is actually big enough to do them efficiently. I don't like to do chores, so my goal is to get them over with.
And OHMIDARWIN, what about all those parents who make their 2yo's do chores. We should call DCF on them, it is negligent and it is abuse. It's just a matter of different strokes, dude. Don't be so angry b/c someone isn't doing it your way.
My child is healthy, happy, well adjusted, extremely intelligent, and very imaginative.
I just don't believe it is as spastic an issue as you're making it out to be. Very judgemental. But then, I suppose, you make no sacrifices as a parent.
Jessica 2-27-2008 @ 2:30PM
Continuing to ponder your post......
You act as if TV is equivalent to crack or something. Yes, my daughter watches TV. And, yes, as a matter of fact, I am in that group that puts on the TV or a DVD so that I can fix dinner or clean the floors. I would rather, at two, spend my time quickly doing the chores, followed by doing something FUN with her. She can learn to do chores later, when she is actually big enough to do them efficiently. I don't like to do chores, so my goal is to get them over with.
And OHMIDARWIN, what about all those parents who make their 2yo's do chores. We should call DCF on them, it is negligent and it is abuse. It's just a matter of different strokes, dude. Don't be so angry b/c someone isn't doing it your way.
My child is healthy, happy, well adjusted, extremely intelligent, and very imaginative.
I just don't believe it is as spastic an issue as you're making it out to be. Very judgemental. But then, I suppose, you make no sacrifices as a parent.
Lori 2-27-2008 @ 2:15PM
Most of your posts leave me feeling like a bad Mom. I've been reading ParentDish long enough to know that its readers will tell me this is because I lack self-confidence in my ability as a mother. They might be right, but I can't help the way your writing makes me feel. I've got two happy, healthy kids and I know I'm doing the best job I can. I know I'm not going to be able to stop questioning and evaluating the decisions I make for my kids -- after all, this is the hardest and most important job I've ever had and I want to do it well. But, I know one step I can take to increase my self-confidence as a parent -- I can stop reading your posts.
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queenoqueens 2-27-2008 @ 2:59PM
Lori-
I'm with you. I'm overly sensitive about parenting issues, because I want so badly to do the right thing by my child. But I am a fairly flawed human, and fall short of my ambitions.
Christina may be right (or wrong) about the TV thing. But this post actually contributed to a bad day for me. So being who I am, perhaps it's better for me to avoid this website for a while. It's just a guilt-inducer all around. Not the fault of the website, just unhealthy for me.
Robin A Bates 2-28-2008 @ 2:03PM
"it is what it is" one can only truly be judged by ones self. i like the fact that some of these post cause some kind of inner turmoil, it may allow me to do some self examination. none of us are perfect and who ever claims to be better than isn't even a good liar. t.v. or not t.v., personal choices our great advanced civilization has given us. the freedom of choice is the perfect example of freedom. what's too much, what's too little, good, bad, yada-yada, we are born ready, we have an innate moral compass that will lead us in the right direction, the key is....we have to listen to it!
from Dad
Eva 2-27-2008 @ 2:17PM
I agree with you. I have never shown my kid TV, and her nap and bedtimes and the times she entertains herself while I read or Get Things Done are all the break I need. She likes to help me with household tasks, and yard work and she's only 18 months. It's fun to have her around to help!
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isisaquaria 2-27-2008 @ 2:30PM
We don't watch much tv--as we go to the ballet, musicals etc. That with soccer and dance doesn't leave much time--My oldest daughter loves the Animal Planet and tivo's everything to watch and learn from later--We watch FOOTBALL and the news on CNN. I love CSI:LV and tivo it for when I can't sleep--but as little ones I used baby einstein to sit and teach them things. And we do have every DISNEY movie on DVD-that is our movie/sleepover choices--we have no other movies.
As a parent, I enjoy them with my kids, not as a way to keep them busy while I am doing other things.
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